dangerous, yet exciting.

writing block.

my lack of writing is something that really upsets me.
i hate that i have nothing to say,
because really, i have so much that i want to put down,
but it's so meaningless to everyone and really, it would sound so self obsessive that i'd rather just let my blog wither away,
instead of writing what i really feel.

so, empty spaces will now fill theses pages,
until i get a glimmer of that writing spark i once had.

i can't believe it.

there are so many things going through my head right now,

but the biggest one is,

'you have to be kidding me?!'

i'm in shock,

i can't believe you got the one thing that i wanted most of all,

i mean, you actual fuckerrr.

eurgh, it's bad enough that i have to see you every day,

but now i even get to see you in my 'spare time'.

oh my.

you have to be kidding me.

pride and prejudice.

this is quite possibly my favourite book.

i don't know if it's the romantic love story,

or the fact that they have to go through so much to finally be together,

but i love it.

simple as that.

well.

i don't really have anything to write about,
but there is so much on my mind.
so, where do i start?
with the crappy self body issues that i'm having at the moment,
or just my life in general?

okay, so i went to hitchen open air pool today,
and actually, it made me more confident with myself and what i look like,
so i'm glad i went.

and life in general,
well it could be better, but i'm glad with what i have at the moment.

yeppp, that was officially the worst post i have ever written.
kill me now.

Mr Gotch, where are you?

i'm sitting here waiting,
for you to come strolling into the computer room with that usual look on your face.

eurgh, i'm so bored.

please hurry so i can go home?

are you using me for some sick game?

i don't know what to think,
nothing happens and then suddenly we're best friends again?
i think not.
the fact that you never made the effort kind of takes the piss,
and now how you think it's suddenly okay for you to pretend like nothing happened?
eurgh.

and what gets to me most is that i'm kind of happy that we're speaking,
because i missed you,
so basically i'm the twat for replying, but now i can't really stop.
and i thought that being friends again would be a good thing,
and in a way it is for sure, but not when you make it hard for me.

so, are you just messing with my head again?
or is this for real?

june/july.

so i'm a little late, my apologies.
not that i even expect anyone to read this, but you know,
it's nice to think that maybe someone would like to know what i'm thinking/feeling/doing.

june was okay, i guess.
exams were stressful,
and i regret not revising when i had the chance,
so i basically went into every exam without any chance of actually passing.
what a twat.

did i meet my june targets?
probably not.
- i don't think i pissed too many people off this month - what an achievement.
- first impressions? well i was orange for a start, and had on the longest skirt,
so yes, my first impression was attractive. or rather not.
- self-presentation, ah. i failed this target, as i thought i probably would, considering i even went to prom with damp hair, so yeah, good one luce.
- one target i did meet...i'm not dead, praise the lord.

july expectations
pontins - well this has already been, but because of my late entry i'll talk about it now.
ah, well this usually isn't so great, i mean we always get home by five on sunday, all a little depressed because we are shite.
however, this year - third babyyy.
uhuh, we were shocked, but you know, we deserved it, and it was pretty good in the end, even though the umpire was extremely bias in the semi-final - but we were pleased with ourselves anyway. and it was our last year, so i think we did good.
sun, i'm expecting a tan with all this free time on my hands, hopefully the sun will stay for this to happen, naturally?
spain at the end of the month, aah it should be good, i haven't seen a beach in a while.
and i'm expecting some boredom, as i have no job, and am pretty much broke so it's not like i'll be going anywhere that needs to be paid for, so yeah, boredom will soon set in.

july targets
find a job!
get a tan, pretty necessary if i'm honest.
and have another go at improving my 'self-presentation', but honestly i think it's a losing battle.

okay, well we'll see what happens.