my list.

so i've finally written it all down.
everything that i want to do before i die.
it's probably not the most conventional list, although there are the usual 'bungee jumping' etc,
and there are way more than the usual 100,
but i'm definitely completely these!

i made a mistake..

yes, a huge mistake i know.

but please...forgive me.

i hate myself.

the guilt is unbearable.
i can't stop thinking about it and it's eating me inside.

we've talked about it, but things were said which i regret. alot.
i didn't mean what i said, i was annoyed and upset that you didn't seem to care.
i know it seemed like i was making a bigger deal out of it than necessary, but i can't help the way i feel, even though it causes so much pain.
i guess i just wanted it to happen so much, i died a little when it became clear it wasn't what you wanted.

obviously i'm the one in the wrong, for even telling you how i felt in the first place.
fucking delusional.
why would you like me in the first place?

transfixed.

pretty much most of my brain space, is filled up with thoughts of you.
pathetic, i know.

but i can't help it, i don't know why, but something just keeps pulling me back to you.
as much as i would like to move on with my life, i'm finding it pretty hard,
i mean, i thought i was possibly getting over you?
yeahh. right.
still, i think i could have done it, given enough time and...minutes away from you?

but then you went and turned all that around,
and i'm back to square one.

i wonder what will happen next?

seriously?!

i don't understand why, when i really don't want something, everything comes at once.
i hate how i get myself into situations, where i really should have said no, but was too nice so i just went along with it anyway.
i hate how my emotions give me away and how one small thing can completely ruin my mood.
i try and change these things, but nothing seems to work.
yes it's depressing, but it's all i've ever been.

on the other hand, i can't complain too much atm...as my life finally seems to be on track.

reach for the stars, because even if you don't make it, at least you'll be among them