my life is pretty pants.

so i was sitting in my room,

like the most unsociable person that i am,

thinking how nice it would be to laugh.

to actually laugh.

like those moments you have with your closest friends,

finding anything and everything hilarious,

just because you can.

laughing so hard tears run down your face,

and your stomach starts to hurt.

to laugh like this would make my day.

to be fair, it would probably make my year.

i believe this more and more everyday.

'i miss you like a flower misses the sun in winter'


it's funny how this is what i remember most,
it's cute but was said at the wrong time.



still, it makes me smile every time i think of it.

what i'd never say.

a 'friend' alerted me to that fact that my blog says alot about me,
and how i'm feeling when i write certain posts.
and it's true, but i guess in a way it's an acceptable thing for me,
because it's not like i show my true feelings to many people anyway.
so yes, i get alot more emotional when writing,
than i do in public,
and sometimes i just let everything build up, until i write a horribly revealing post to make myself feel better, but that's just me.

and yes, when things get hard for me, i tend to write alot more posts,
which is why i've only been on here twice in the last few weeks,
but nothing is really as bad as it's probably read.
yes, there are things i would like to forget,
things that i'd rather had never happened,
but if they hadn't, i guess i wouldn't be the sarcastic person i am today.
which would lead onto something else,
my sarcasm is a shield for me,
it's a mask that lets me be someone who doesn't feel alot on the outside,
so yes, i can sound bitchy and all that,
but if you really knew me,
you'd know that's just a face i put on to deal with the world.

so i want to thank that 'friend',
because although they sounded extremely stupid and way too formal,
it made me realise that my blogs say exactly who i am,
in a way that i don't always like.
so i'm going to watch that,
and hopefully improve myself.

i actually hate you right now.

that's such a bitchy thing to do,
and it's not like it's the first thing you've done.

it's maaaa birthday...

finally sixteen,
and i feel no different.

apologies...

apparently my spanish computer doesn't approve of 'spell check',
and the keyboard is completely wrong,
so if my posts seem odd and make no sense,
blame it on the foreign ...

august.

well, i'm a little late in celebrating the new month, but nevermind.
basically, this will be a good month,
i get to disappear for three long weeks to my 'fantasy' world,
where anything is possible.
of course, when i talk about pregnancies and STDs, you know i'm only kidding,
but when it comes to falling in love and finding yourself, i'd recommend it in an instant.
this place, not suited for everyone, is magical,
and i don't know if it's just because of the sun and the beach or how many good looking people are here,
but i honestly think this place is special.

for 49 weeks per year i'm waiting for this journey to come around,
the trip isn't always so great, but experiencing the rush of adrenaline as the plane takes of,
and the fear you feel when you go through a storm,
the journey is worth it.
i used to dread coming here, my 'second home' although as magical as it is,
doesn't always hold it's appeal when you start to get too 'cool' for family holidays,
but this year, it's different.
i wanted to leave England, needed somewhere new and exciting to go,
and even though i joke about this holiday as 'going home' - it is how i feel this year.

i'm home.