jealousy.

i try not to,
i try to control those feared thoughts that occupy my mind;
the ones that poke and pester,
and never stop.


they are always there,
in every thought,
saved in the back of my mind.
i don't like them,
and i try not to think about them,
but it's hard.
it's hard to ignore,
hard to live without thinking of them once.


so yes,
i get jealous,
and i hate the feeling,
but i can't stop.
maybe it's how much i feel that makes those jealous thoughts appear,
maybe it's just the mood i'm in.


and it hurts.
jealousy hurts.
it creates cracks that were never there before.
but i'm trying not to let it get to me,
because i'm worried what happens if it does.