it happens when you least expect it,

that feeling of being alone.

you could be in a crowded room,

yet feel like the odd one out,

going unnoticed and alone,

even when you're surrounded by friends.

walking blind.

sometimes i feel as though i'm walking blindly through life,
not seeing much, yet feeling alot.
i used to wish i could see, everything, everywhere i went,
but now i know that it takes more to feel something,
than to take a glance and see something.

my computer crashed.

lovelovelovelovelovelove them.

♥

again i go unnoticed.

revision.

girl one: 'i had a dream about your ex-boyfriend last night'
girl two: 'you what?'
girl one: 'yeah, we fell in love'

and that is daytime television for you.

complicated.

i hate myself for feeling like this,
for still feeling something for you.
i have people telling me things that i never knew,
like how much you actually cared,
how much you talked about me,
and how you did actually feel bad about what happened.

which then makes me think that maybe you did mean what you told me,
maybe you honestly were just confused about everything,
and maybe it's my fault that i rushed you to decide.
but then i think of the 'recents'.
the ones who you're chasing,
or pursuing even.
and that makes me want to cry,
and makes me realise how lucky i was to not get hurt any deeper than i was.

errrrrrr.

i honestly thought it was over,
i thought i was done with the sadness,
but apparently there'll always be a place in my heart for you.
bastard.
i hate that it's there,
because you don't deserve it.
i want it to go,
because i'm sure you have a place in most people's hearts.

you gave me hope.

i honestly thought i was better,
moving on or whatever it is that happens.
and then you came along,
made me believe something that will never be,
so now i'm back to square one.
please, keep it to yourself next time?

ah.

i listened to the lyrics,
wondering what you could possibly mean.
i listened to the melody,
wondering if the lullaby meant anything at all to me.
i listened to the song,
wondering if it was written for me.

right feeling, wrong person?

i'm so confused.
i don't know whether you actually mean something to me,
or whether it's just something that i want.
not you maybe, just what we could have.
i guess the only way to tell is to carry on how we are,
and just hope that i don't hurt myself or you in the process.

forgotten.

so many things have been forgotten,

as so much is changing.

everyone is pushing forward,

noone's looking back.

things are beginning to get left behind,

but noone's noticed yet.

some days you look and wonder where something is,

wonder is you'll ever get it back.

but it's in the past now,

because when you were so keen to push forward,

you forgot to glance back,

and hold on to the things most important to you.

why me?

when i was finally starting to get back on track,
pretty happy with the way things were going,
something big fucks it all up again.

i hate how this has happened,
and that it's you.
i mean, most other people i could deal with,
but you?
i think that's what hurts most.

and yes, i know it's my fault.
i should never have started it,
but my heart was in the right place.
i was only trying to help,
but looks like i got in too deep.

and there's nothing i can do to change that now.
i just want us to put it behind us,
because otherwise i'm worried where that leaves us.
but i'll always feel the guilt,
and see the look on your face.

so i'm sorry,
and i know there's nothing i can do to make up for it.
but i hope it doesn't change anything,
because i really don't want that.

too many things were left unsaid.

so now i'm left; wondering and waiting.

this is how i want to feel.

summer, please be good.

this is very cute.

oh boy.

just as i started to breathe again,
thinking that i'd finally disconnected from you,
you spring back towards me.

you have too many 'friends' for my liking.
i see them everywhere,
all looking at me,
some even laughing.
and these aren't even 'friends',
these are 'conquests'.

and i hate to be one of them.
i mean, yesterday was quite horrible if i'm being honest.
i was in my favourite shop,
looking for anything that would make me look decent,
and there she was,
staring at me from across the shop.
oh, awkward or what?
and then, she started to laugh.
i mean, yes i looked a state,
but that's not the point.
laughing at me?
bitch.
and then she decided that instead of laughing at me from the other side of the shop,
she had to come and talk to me.
well, that was not a good move.
and the 'conversation'? bloody pointless.
'are you lucy?'
obviously.

and of course, she had her friend,
lovely little sidekick that i thought you'd let go last year.
ah, what a loser i am, because obviously not.
she clearly thought she was the bee's knees.
had the front to look at me like i was some sort of dirt,
and then felt the need to walk away talking about you,
pretty much shouting your name,
just to make sure that i could hear.
and honestly, i was in too much shock to do much,
and it didn't help that when this was happening i was on my own,
waiting for the mother and her credit card.

so, moral of my experience,
'only date people who have no friends'.

hello may.