i have alot to say.

i have so much to say,
yet the words just don't get said.
i'm scared to say them,
because of what may result from them.
i don't want to think about them,
but they are the only things on my mind.

i'm physically ill from them,
but throwing up doesn't help.
if anything it makes me feel more shit,
because i have nothing else to think about.

i need to tell you what i'm thinking,
but i don't want to force you to choose.
i'm so happy when i'm with you,
that losing you never really occurred to me.

but it's your decision,
to be honest there's nothing i can really do.
it doesn't matter how many times i say 'i love you',
how i tell you that i still get nervous when i see you,
and how i still get butterflies when i think of you,
and that through all of this i still want to be with you,
even though i know that i might not be the only person on your mind.

so you fucked up my day,
and i let someone else down because of you.
and although i promised myself i would never cry over you,
somehow that didn't quite stick.

so when it takes me an hour to reply to you,
it's because i honestly don't know what to say.
because i don't want to force you,
and i don't want to lose you.
just because i love you.